Blinded by Bitterness

“The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy.” Proverbs 14:10 (ESV)

I used to be an incredibly bitter person. I just didn’t know it.  After all, it wasn’t like I lived my entire existence like the bitter characters I read about in books and saw in movies (hello Ursula from The Little Mermaid).  I was generally a happy person and kind to others… most of the time. 

I believed one big lie which, at least in my mind, justified my behavior: God made me an incredibly sensitive person, and because God made me this way, I had a right to act on my emotions whenever others were wronging me.  He wouldn’t have made me this way if he didn’t want me to feel and act on these strong emotions to serve myself.  I used this lie to let my fleshly desire take over how I responded to people in situations through my life.  It started out where I would bottle it inside and not deal with it at all.  I wanted to avoid confrontation as much as possible.  By my late 20’s, it got so bad that I was starting to have physical symptoms.  No MRI, CT scan, or blood test could find anything wrong, but I had unexplained pain on and off which, looking back, now seemed to correlate with the times I was bitter.  I was in need of revival.    

Amy Carmichael in her book Candles in the Dark says:

“A cup brimful of sweetness cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, no matter how suddenly jarred.”

My cup was getting jarred and what was pouring out from the inside was sour.  Although I placed my faith in Jesus Christ at a young age, it took me years to even begin to understand how to focus less on myself and more on Christ.  I often let my feelings and past hurts take control over my life.  I wasn’t focusing on the grace I had received from God, and in turn had no grace to give to others.

I had a high view of self and what I thought I deserved.  I was either having an inflated view of self where I thought I hadn’t even done anything wrong, or I had a deflated view of self, where I felt so low that no amount of grace could help me. I wasn’t experiencing God’s grace toward myself, so I wasn’t able to extend any grace to others when they wronged me.    

When God sent his son to earth, he didn’t just send an adult to hang around with us a few weeks and then die for our sins.  Rather, he sent Jesus as a baby to experience a full human life so he would be a Savior who truly identifies with all our temptations and sufferings.   Hebrews 4:15 (ESV) tells us:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.”

Understanding how Christ forgave me made me realize I could also forgive others.  I didn’t have to let the bitterness stay inside me anymore, I could pluck it out by the root.

So how did I go about plucking bitterness out by the root?

Put Off, Put On.

When we get rid of sin, we can’t just put a straight stop to it.  We must replace it with something else.  Ephesians 4:22-24 says “…to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”

I had to replace what I was doing with something else.  Instead of taking every little bad interaction personally, I learned to pray for the person.  Rather than making things all about my feelings, I did my best to empathize with their problems, remember God views them as having infinite worth, pray for God to help me love them as He loves me, and pray even more for the person. 

If something was said which hurt my feelings, I tried to look at why it hurt my feelings.  Were they being intentionally malicious when saying it?  Most of the time not.  Then I could learn to forget about it.  The few times I thought someone was truly in the wrong, I had two options.  If it was an unbeliever or I didn’t know them, I would forgive them in my heart and move on.  If it was a fellow believer, I could privately bring it up with them.

But Now I See

I am in no way perfect at this but I can say I truly don’t remember the last time I got upset or offended at someone.  It is leaps and bounds different compared to years ago.  God has truly revived my heart and freed me from the chains of bitterness.

More Helpful Scripture References:

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Eph. 4:31-5:2)

“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” (Heb. 12:15)

Emily is an engineering professor’s wife and mama to two busy toddlers who keep life delightfully messy and full of laughter. Having met her husband later in life, she especially treasures the season she’s in now. When she’s not chasing after little ones, you’ll find her romanticizing the life God gave her—treasure-hunting in thrift stores, rearranging vintage finds around the house, or sipping a hot cup of East Frisian tea with a hymn playing in the background. She’s always dreaming about her next adventure, whether it’s a family trip or a simple wander around downtown, and she is continuing to find joy in life through God’s great blessings.

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